I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
