Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Randomize
