mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
