I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize