All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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