why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
