census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
