Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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