no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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