I haven't been this sober since birth.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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