Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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