I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
