I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
No subtext here. People are naked.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
