Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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