I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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