question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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