it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
