People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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