I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
