all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
