wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
