and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
