she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
