spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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