The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
