JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
