you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
