If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Randomize
