A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
