I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I just gargled with NyQuil
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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