my sisters under your porch take her home
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
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