I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
