Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
