I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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