It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
