Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
