Can Purell be used as lube?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
