Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
you are never too drunk for berry picking
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
