I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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