Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
