my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I'm both gender and math confused
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
