i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
