I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
