I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Randomize
