My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
