So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
