Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
