we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
