I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
