life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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