Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
