Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
