mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
