So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
