420 ftw
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
