How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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