There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
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