I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
