I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
don't judge my taste in strippers
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
