The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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