Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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