Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
