someone threw a dead crab at me
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
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