Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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